All I Want

All I Want
by: Toad the Wet Sprocket

Nothing's so loud
As hearing when we lie
The truth is not kind
And you've said neither am I
But the air outside so soft is saying everything
Everything...

All I want is to feel this way
To be this close, to feel the same
All I want is to feel this way
The evening speaks, I feel it say...

Nothing's so cold
As closing the heart when all we need
Is to free the soul
But we wouldn't be that brave I know
And the air outside so soft, confessing everything
Everything...

And it won't matter now
Whatever happens to me
Though the air speaks of all we'll never be
It won't trouble me
And it feels so close
Let it take me in
Let it hold me so
I can feel it say...

Good Intentions

Good Intentions
by: Toad the Wet Sprocket

It's hard to rely on my good intentions
When my head's full of things that I can't mention
Seems I usually get things right
But I can't understand what I did last night

It's hard to rely on my own good senses
When I miss so much that requires attention
Have to laugh at myself sometimes
And I can see that I'm not blind

There's little relief
Give us reprieve
For all the things I've left behind
I'm positive that I'm not blind

I'm not afraid things won't get better
But it feels like this has gone on forever
You have to cry with your own blue tears
Have to laugh with your own good cheer

It's hard to rely on my good intentions
When my head's full of things that I can't mention
Seems I usually get things
But I can't understand what I did last night

There's little relief
Give us reprieve
Imagining the world outside
I'm positive that I'm not blind

I can't be hard on you'cause you know
I've been there too
Learned a lot of things from you

But life gives little relief
Give us reprieve
And when everyone is cold as ice
I clinch my fists and close my eyes
Imagining the world outside
But I can see that I'm not blind

A String of Bad Luck

When bad things happen, one after the other? What would you do? How would you deal with it?

Still recovering from a heartbreak, then having a lethargic mood at work and followed by suddenly losing my phone... what's next? Well all these may not be the worst case scenario but still I just feel so sad that these things are happening in a row...

Well, I could sulk all day and wonder but I guess the best thing to do is look at the brighter side... I should be celebrating that I'm moving on... it wasn't probably right in the first place and even if it is at the time being it's just not working anymore so I just have to let go of that baggage and start loving myself more... I've lost so much in the course of time during the relationship that I don't even have a sense of self when he finally left... I've dumped old and trusted friends for him and now they are still the ones who were there for me... I've built my world around him that now I have to rebuild a new one on my own or at least try to find what I've kept inside... So I should be happy in a way... I've learned my lessons and I know I'm a better person now...

Work wise things are becoming lethargic... eyebrows raised? How can Events & Marketing be lethargic? hmmm... let's just say that as dynamic, diverse and exciting events can get, it can also have its downside... in time you'll end up burning yourself out after long hours, obnoxious and indecisive clients and most of all perfectionist bosses... although I love writing so much and it's supposed to be a part of my job... my creativity and imagination are often limited and tested to various constraints... I want to move out of it but seems like I'm stuck here for quite a while... I guess I should stop fixing something if it's not broken and be happy as it is... if only for now...
As for my phone, this was the second phone I lost in Singapore... in only two months time! Oh well but people are losing their phones here and there nowadays so what's new? I guess a good way to look at it is that I probably need a new handphone and should learn to be more careful next time...

So this stupid string of badluck is now gone! I'm cutting it off! And as one of the greatest poet, Kahlil Gibran would say...

The optimist sees the beauty of the rose and not its thorns; the pessimist
stares at the thorns, oblivious of the beauty of the rose...

I can see the rose... and would never stop appreciating it no matter what...

You Bring Me Down

You Bring Me Down
By: Leona Lewis

You let me down, can’t fix you now
Thought I could count on you to be around
You bring me down, down, down way down

What is the problem?
Are you taking me seriously?
Is it a joke to you?
Or maybe I’m a fool

Why am I trying
So hard to be the girl that you need
How is this fair to me?
When you break the rules

This is too much
Don’t call it love
You are the reason it’s so hard to trust
Boy this ain’t what I wanted
And now it’s got to stop

You let me down, can’t fix you now
Thought I could count on you to be around
You bring me down, down, down way down

No more tears
Why did I let you have so much control?
I gave my arm to you
And you pushed me away

Why are you here oh?
Don’t you see I’m letting you go
The damage is done baby
I have nothing to say

It’s gone to far
Don’t know who you are
I think its better that we are apart

Babe I know where I am
And I know where you’re near

You let me down, can’t fix you now
Thought I could count on you to be around
You bring me down, down, down way down

You let me down, thought I had had found
Some one to catch me when I hit the ground
You bring me down, down, down way down (ooooh)

Would you like it if
I did the same thing to
You and I lasted
Walking years on ma shoes

Boy there’s no excuse
Cause of what you did there’s no me and you

Would you like it if
I did the same thing
You wouldn’t of liked
Walking in time

Boy there’s no excuse
That who you are and I’m so over you

You let me down, can’t fix you now
Thought I could count on you to be around
You bring me down, down, down way down

You let me down, thought I had had found
Some one to catch me when I hit the ground
You bring me down, down, down way down

Down
Down
Stop bringing me, stop bringing me
Down down
Oooh

I'm So Proud of You Kids!!!

Today is the night for the TOP 10 of Pinoy Idol! I'm nervous as nervous can be... But it was not for long... Zaldy was the first one to be called!!! Whew!

I'm so happy that our little boy has grown up... our baby is now reaching for his dreams... I'm saying he's our baby because he's the youngest in our group and he will always be that little boy who sings in school since we were Elementary until High School... his powerful voice resonating around the campus...

I miss my friends so much and Zaldy is one of whom I miss the most... I miss our late night talks... sometimes lasting till dawn... lighted by candles over coffee... Just talking about our dreams, our passions, our crazy thoughts... I miss those nights most of all...

I miss those times that everyone is just a text away and we will hang out in each other's houses... sometimes staying for days... I miss our laughs, our jokes, our banters, our foolishness and trippings and everything in between...

And now we're all grown ups... some have families, some are still single... but our bond remains... some are not in the country like me... and most of them are there... How I wish I am with him now... telling him how proud I am of him... how happy I am that he's so close to that dream we only talked about years ago...

I love you Kids and just hang in there... you're going to make it!!! I'm here, we're here!!!

To everyone please watch Pinoy IDOL and Vote for Elizalde "KID" Camaya... Text IDOL KID and send to the following numbers: 367- smart and talk and text and 2344- globe/touch mobile/suncellular

Of Songs & Lyrics

There are songs that really fit into your life in every situation you are in... Sometimes these songs are just so perfect that you wonder whether each were made just for you. I have several songs that keeps me warm and totally expresses my thoughts now...

It hurts when I listen to each one, because they just keep on reminding me of reality... but somehow it also makes me feel better... makes me let it all out even by just listening and singing each song quietly to myself...

I made the simple videos for each song it's not much but they represent all that I'm feeling now and probably some more time after...

Better In Time

Better In Time
By: Leona Lewis

It's been the longest winter without you
I didn't know where to turn to
See somehow I can't forget you
After all that we've been through

Going coming thought I heard a knock
Who's there? No one
Thinking that I deserve it
Now I realize that I really didn't know
If you didn't notice you mean everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'ma be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

I couldn't turn on the TV
Without something there to remind me
Was it all that easy?
To just put aside your feelings

If I'm dreaming
don't wanna let hurt my feelings
but that's the path I believe in
And I know that time will heal it
If you didn't notice boy you meant everything
Quickly I'm learning to love again
All I know is I'ma be ok

[Chorus:]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time

Since there's no more you and me
It's time I let you go
So I can be free
And live my life how it should be
No matter how hard it is I'll be fine without you
Yes I will

[Chorus: x2]
Thought I couldn't live without you
It's gonna hurt when it heals too
It'll all get better in time
And even though I really love you
I'm gonna smile cause I deserve to
It'll all get better in time...

Take A Bow

Take A Bow
By: Leona Lewis

The flowers are all faded now
Along with your letters
They will never see the light of day
Cause I'll never take them out
There's no turning back
It's for the better
Baby I deserve more than empty words
And promises
I believed everything you said
And I give you the best I had
Oh.

[Chorus:]
So take a bow
Cause you've taken everything else
You played the part
Like a star you played it so well
Take a bow
Cause this scene is coming to an end
I gave you love
All you give me was pretend
So now take a bow...

[Verse 2:]
The future's is about to change
Before you know it
The curtain closes
Take a look around
There's no one in the crowd
I'm throwing away the pain
And you should know that your performance
Made me strong enough

[Chorus:]
So take a bow
Cause you've taken everything else
You played the part
Like a star you played it so well
Take a bow
Cause this scene is coming to an end
I gave you love.
All you give me was pretend
So now take a bow...

[Hook:]
Well it must have been slight of hand
Cause I still can't understand
How I could never see
Just what a fool believed
Um

But the lies they start to show
Tell me how does it feel to know
Right now that I won’t be around
So baby before where ever you are

[Chorus:]
Take a bow
Cause you've taken everything else (you've taken everything else)
You played the part like a star you played it so well (so well)
Take a bow
Cause this scene it's coming to an end (End)
I gave you love.
All you give me was pretend
So now take a bow

Take a bow
Cause you've taken everything else
You played the part (I gave you all my love)
like I star you played it so well (I gave you all my love)
Take a bow
Cause this scene it's coming to an end
I gave you love. (Ohhhh)
All you give me was pretend
So now take a bow...

Yesterday

Yesterday
By: Leona Lewis

I just can't believe your gone,
still waitin' for mornin' to come,
when I see if the sun will rise,
in the way that your by my side,
where we had so much in store,
tell me what is it all reaching for,
when were through building memories
I'll hold yesterday in my heart, in my heart

[Chorus]
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made,
they can take the music that we'll never play,
all the broken dreams, take everything, just take it away,
but they can never have yesterday,
they can take the future that we'll never know
they can take the places that we said we will go,
all the broken dreams take everything, just take it away,
but they can never have yesterday...

You always choose to stay,
I should be thankful for everyday,
heaven knows what the future holds,
or least where the story goes,
I never believed until now,
I know I'll see you again I'm sure,
no it's not selfish to ask for more,
one more night one more day one more smile on your face
but they can't take yesterday,

[Chorus]
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made,
they can take the music that we'll never play,
all the broken dreams, take everything, just take it away,
but they can never have yesterday,
they can take the future that we'll never know
they can take the places that we said we will go,
all the broken dreams take everything, just take it away,
but they can never have yesterday...

I thought our days would last forever,
but it wasn't our destiny,
coz in my mind we had so much time,
but I was so wrong,
no I can believe me
I can still find the strengh in the moments we made
I'm lookin' back on yesterday

[Chorus]
They can take tomorrow and the plans we made,
they can take the music that we'll never play,
all the broken dreams, take everything, just take it away,
but they can never have yesterday,
they can take the future that we'll never know
they can take the places that we said we will go,
all the broken dreams take everything, just take it away,
but they can never have yesterday...

5 Stages After A Break Up

While killing time online I came across some articles about grief, lost and break up... According to this article there are 5 stages a person goes through after losing someone special...

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

You may not experience these stages in one fluid order. You may go through some of the stages more than once... sometimes an event will trigger you to experience one of these stages again.

As for me I'm not really sure where I am right now...

1.Denial – The "No, not me" stage.

This stage is filled with disbelief and denial. If your partner broke up with you, you think that he will change his mind.

I'm sure I'm not on this stage... I know it's final we tried for one whole year and this is it... this is where it brought us... I'm not hoping we will get back together again... I know in my heart I'm not ready for that... and I know that he's not even thinking about that, he might not even be thinking about me anymore...

2.Anger/Resentment – The "Why me?" stage.

Anger at the situation, your partner and others are common. You are angry with the other person for causing the situation and for causing you pain. You may feel anger at your partner for breaking up with you or leaving you and giving up the family.

I am not angry at myself... I am not angry at him nor the situation... I am of course hurting but not angry at anyone nor anything... I've come to realize that there's nothing certain in our lives... nothing at all... I'm not blaming myself for what happened, I know deep within that I've given my best... he knows that, too... I am hurt and disappointed by how he handled things and how he fooled me to believe in him but I know it's his way of dealing with things... I may not understand everything but who says I have to... after all he may not even understand himself nor what he did... who knows... my friends keep on asking me why I still have the energy to analyze and understand his end... I also do not know the answer...

3. Bargaining – The "If I do this, you’ll do that" stage.

You try to negotiate to change the situation. If you’ve lost a partner you might bargain with God, "I’ll be a better person if you’d just bring him back". You might approach your partner who is asking for the break-up and say "If you’ll stay I’ll change".

No way! I am not doing that... In fact, I don't have his number anymore... Yeah I know others will roll their eyes and say I probably know his number by heart... yes I do, but he lost his phone, remember? So he actually has a new one... He even asked me if I want his new number... to which I said No. How did he ask me? He talked to me on YM, after that chat... I deleted his contact on my YM as well... I'm just going to torture myself if I still keep contacts with him... Yes he might be able to see me online since I don't know if he have me on his YM still but at least I wouldn't see him online and I wouldn't stay all night thinking who is he chatting with or why is he not talking to me when we are both online, things like that... As far as I'm concerned contacting him now would be the last thing on my mind... he needs to find himself... he needs to grow on his own... I want to save myself from all these crap... I think I've had enough crap to deal with and this is the last thing I need...

4. Depression- The "It's really happened" stage.

You realize the situation isn’t going to change. The death or break-up happened and there is nothing to bring the other person back. Acknowledgement of the situation often bring depression. This could be a quiet, withdrawn time as you soak in the situation.

Hmmm... Now I'm wondering whether I am on this stage or not... I am still functioning normally though... Weird enough, I find myself falling asleep faster than usual and I sleep continuously til morning... but I wake up staring blankly on the wall or the ceiling... To be honest I still cry sometimes when I'm alone... Tears still well up my eyes every now and then although now I can control them unlike before when they just trickle down my cheeks like raindrops on window panes... I can still laugh though and smile... although those closest to me would say they can't see the same sparkle in my eyes... Yeah I guess I'm here...

5. Acceptance – The "This is what happened" stage.

Though you haven’t forgotten what happened you are able to begin to move forward.

Could it be possible that I'm at this stage, too? I don't know whether I started to move forward or not... but I do know I'm learning to live without him now... I still miss him and think about him... I just find it difficult that I have to figure out the things I thought I knew and unlearn the things I already know... and now everything that seemed important then are not so important anymore...

So whether I'm on stage 4 or 5 or maybe juggling between these two I still can't tell... I do know it will all get better in time... I'm still scared, terrified even, but I just can't let this paralyze me... I still believe in love... I do know that this too shall pass... I am still looking forward to the day that I can look back on all of these knowing it's just a part of what will make me a better person... whether it is sooner or later I also don't know... but until then... I'll keep on smiling because I know I deserve to...